I'm going to start this off by posting a link from one of my favourite bloggers & one who posts a wealth of useful information and videos straight out of Thailand for aspiring Nak Muay.
Read the post. Because it's not a plug (though she is worth bookmarking), it is simply ten times easier for me to say that's how I feel right now rather than type it out and explain it to you.
http://ift.tt/2fS9u04
However on top of feeling like I am holding myself back due to training methodological reasons I generally feel like I am losing my way. I'm getting older, I feel nowhere near as fit as when I was competing with regularity, & my confidence in general has rapidly declined overy the past year.
Alot of this I feel has to do with numerous factors. One big factor was being forced out of my old club due to a disagreement with an instructor who had an issue with my relationship with another student (it's worth noting that were still together as of today & have been going strong for over 2 years now). It was an issue of jealousy and it caused rifts that have pretty much seen to it that regardless of the fact he's not there anymore I simply do not want to go back because I lost faith in those who did not have my back when they should of done.
Another is having taken a couple of years out of training to teach. On one hand I think this helped make me a better person & martial artist overall, giving me experiences from a completely different perspective that helped me learn to have more respect for the sport, students and instructors. On the other the lack of training for myself sent me pretty much back to square one in regards to my fitness and my weight, while the lack of competition completely killed my confidence and my mentality when getting back into the ring again. With that also came it's own stresses. Politics and drama from my old instructor ovee running my own Kickboxing club have really taken a toll on me and ultimately it drove me to give it all up and go back into training again.
I also travel a good hour each way on a train, just to train, every time which is tiring and exhausting for me after working long 12 hour shifts four days in a row back to back. By the time I get to the gym I feel worn out and just don't want to be there. Why do I travel so far? Well there isnt really a great wealth of Muay Thai (and martial arts in general) to choose from in Nottingham that really suits what I am looking for. The head coach is a reputable instructor with a reputable background and in general a nice guy. I've not always agreed with some of his opinions or actions but he's always been fair and never treated me or my girlfriend in a negative way.
However I just can't bring myself to train. I'm at a point at the moment where I just don't want to. I did an interclub this weekend and I just didn't want to be there despite having gone many times before. I fought two lads from a reputable gym and although I probably did ok (and everyone says that I did well against two very experienced lads) I feel like my performances were lacking the fire that I used to have before. I feel like I could and should have done better. I feel I am holding myself back because of the rust and because I have less faith in my fitness. And because of that it's also killing my confidence.
Having gone to Thailand I thought it may rejuvenate my passion. While I was out there I loved it. But it also made me realise just how bad I actually am in comparison to the Thais. I felt like a complete beginner, despite having been training for the better part of near 7 years. It was to be expected, but with all my other issues combined it just hurt my confidence even more.
Anyone here who knows me knows that back when I first started out Kickboxing & Thaiboxing knows the fire, confidence and passion I would train or fight with. Right now I feel like a complete wreck that cannot find the motivation to go and train on a good day. I don't feel like I can speak to my coach about this. Not because he's not approachable but because I don't know if he really knows me well enough to be able to advise me on how to deal with my issues. Or if he would really care.
I have no confidence in myself at the moment and I just don't know what to do. It has all literally brought me to tears at one point. I don't really know what to expect out of writing this. I just need to let it all out I guess.
Read the post. Because it's not a plug (though she is worth bookmarking), it is simply ten times easier for me to say that's how I feel right now rather than type it out and explain it to you.
http://ift.tt/2fS9u04
However on top of feeling like I am holding myself back due to training methodological reasons I generally feel like I am losing my way. I'm getting older, I feel nowhere near as fit as when I was competing with regularity, & my confidence in general has rapidly declined overy the past year.
Alot of this I feel has to do with numerous factors. One big factor was being forced out of my old club due to a disagreement with an instructor who had an issue with my relationship with another student (it's worth noting that were still together as of today & have been going strong for over 2 years now). It was an issue of jealousy and it caused rifts that have pretty much seen to it that regardless of the fact he's not there anymore I simply do not want to go back because I lost faith in those who did not have my back when they should of done.
Another is having taken a couple of years out of training to teach. On one hand I think this helped make me a better person & martial artist overall, giving me experiences from a completely different perspective that helped me learn to have more respect for the sport, students and instructors. On the other the lack of training for myself sent me pretty much back to square one in regards to my fitness and my weight, while the lack of competition completely killed my confidence and my mentality when getting back into the ring again. With that also came it's own stresses. Politics and drama from my old instructor ovee running my own Kickboxing club have really taken a toll on me and ultimately it drove me to give it all up and go back into training again.
I also travel a good hour each way on a train, just to train, every time which is tiring and exhausting for me after working long 12 hour shifts four days in a row back to back. By the time I get to the gym I feel worn out and just don't want to be there. Why do I travel so far? Well there isnt really a great wealth of Muay Thai (and martial arts in general) to choose from in Nottingham that really suits what I am looking for. The head coach is a reputable instructor with a reputable background and in general a nice guy. I've not always agreed with some of his opinions or actions but he's always been fair and never treated me or my girlfriend in a negative way.
However I just can't bring myself to train. I'm at a point at the moment where I just don't want to. I did an interclub this weekend and I just didn't want to be there despite having gone many times before. I fought two lads from a reputable gym and although I probably did ok (and everyone says that I did well against two very experienced lads) I feel like my performances were lacking the fire that I used to have before. I feel like I could and should have done better. I feel I am holding myself back because of the rust and because I have less faith in my fitness. And because of that it's also killing my confidence.
Having gone to Thailand I thought it may rejuvenate my passion. While I was out there I loved it. But it also made me realise just how bad I actually am in comparison to the Thais. I felt like a complete beginner, despite having been training for the better part of near 7 years. It was to be expected, but with all my other issues combined it just hurt my confidence even more.
Anyone here who knows me knows that back when I first started out Kickboxing & Thaiboxing knows the fire, confidence and passion I would train or fight with. Right now I feel like a complete wreck that cannot find the motivation to go and train on a good day. I don't feel like I can speak to my coach about this. Not because he's not approachable but because I don't know if he really knows me well enough to be able to advise me on how to deal with my issues. Or if he would really care.
I have no confidence in myself at the moment and I just don't know what to do. It has all literally brought me to tears at one point. I don't really know what to expect out of writing this. I just need to let it all out I guess.
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