Be aware of what you write.

Well during the last month or so I was trying to make heads or tails of training in the bujinkan. Instead of finding clarity by posting in the forums, I found my self even more confused and conflicted. I grew angrier.



In my frustration and anger I said things that put the dojo and the teachers in a bad light. Of course it got back to them and they are irritated. If i had any plans to return to the dojo in the future, when i had more clarity, they have likely been dashed. A consequence of my own doing.



What all this has told me is, that I still have much to learn. I should have not brought my concerns to the forum but to my teachers directly and patiently. I also need to be more aware of what I say and write as I got angrier and more frustrated i had less and less of a filter.



I know most of my problem was with my self. My concept of how training should be, and being unable to reconcile with the methods of the system.

I was unable to accept no sparring, as it is the only form of pressure testing i knew of and participated in. My lack of understanding as to why the Bujinkan trained the way it did, and did not, and my apparent laziness in finding the answer.



I do know this, endlessly google searching and forum searching for the answers i was looking for was not doing any good and was counter productive. The answers i sought should have been asked in face to face conversations with real people, starting with my instructor.

I deeply regret my stupidity and angst. I regret a great many things about the last few months. I have practically destroyed budding friendships with my callus remarks



I say all this so i can hopefully help the others here. The new people, or people switching arts to something wholly different from what they are accustomed to. Please be wary of what your writing. Be aware of your emotions and your filter. The things you say can hurt the people around you, even if that is not what you intend.



I have learned that the best place to seek the answer to any question regarding your training you have is with your instructor, not on the forums. Especially major questions.



So please, be aware of your emotional state, and what your typing. If you find your self frustrated, have a honest and open discussion with your teacher. Don't make the mistake i did and do endless google searching and forum talking to find the answers. Sometimes the forums can be as much a hindrance to your quest for more clarity then it will help you.



I hope my experience helps others here. So that they may be just a bit more mindful of themselves.